The Screed Files: A Very Personal Rejection

In Which a Writer Tires of Form Rejections and Resolves to Fill in the Gaps

Notes from Phineas Screed, PhD, editor of The Faux Review:

Failed attempt to appeal to my humanity. I don’t like reminders of my humiliation.

…How was I supposed to know “embarazada” meant “pregnant”? Those

Spaniards must have designed it solely to confuse and embarrass English speakers.

Also an obviously sneaky way of showing me she reads the magazine. Minus 50 points.

Limericks are low brow literature and thus unworthy of my publication. Minus 100 points for daring to think I would enjoy childish, rhyming verse at all.

Minus 400 points for first person POV, though plus 1.7 for past tense. At least she can do one thing right.

I also don’t have any idea what the confusion was here. “Peso” with “queso” maybe? But only an idiot would confuse the two. Nast must be an idiot, especially since she’s trying to spend Mexican pesos in Spain. Minus 90 points. I should charge a Screed reading fee.

…The wife suggested it may be a gross mispronunciation of “cuesta.” Possible. Still stupid.

This is a failed limerick. I didn’t laugh. And the title is confusing. Don’t reference French when you’re writing about Spanish!

FINAL SUBMISSION SCORE: -438.3